


trust in your dream, come on

by carcatty



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Background Logicality - Freeform, Depression, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Prinxiety - Freeform, Self-Hatred, Sorry!, THIS IS POST SVS, author is regretful and traumatized, be careful folks! this isn't graphic but it sure is me projecting on virgil!, it ends up SWEET tho so it might be worth it, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23271352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carcatty/pseuds/carcatty
Summary: He’s bad. And unlovable. Bad and unlovable people don’t get boyfriends.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	1. do you hate me, or something?

**Author's Note:**

> this is post svs!

The thoughts come back after a while. 

Acceptance was nice, Virgil thinks. Acceptance was what he needed at the time, but he’s moved on. He can handle it now. He can go back to hiding and ignoring the rest of the sides. They don’t want him anymore, surely. 

God, the way Roman looked at him. So defeated at losing the chance of a lifetime, frustrated at Virgil’s stubbornness and sense of obligation to friends. 

They had been friends, too. They’d started to be. Roman probably didn’t even want to see him anymore. He’d been such a fool, had he not? 

_Are you really so close-minded…_

Virgil wanted to bang his head against the fucking wall. He’d worked so hard to solidify their relationship, and in only a matter of time he had managed to push Roman away once again. 

So yes, he was resigning to defeat. He was accepting the fact that he’d fucked up once again and that yes, Roman probably thought just as lowly of him as he did when they had first met. 

_Oh, I do not like you…_

Which was fair. Expected, even. When Virgil began to feel for Roman, _really_ feel for him, he couldn’t help but be reminded of how tainted he is. How he’s damaged and shouldn’t get emotionally attached to people or things or anything that could never love him back. 

He’s _bad_. And unlovable. Bad and unlovable people don’t get boyfriends. 

The thoughts come back after a while when Virgil is laying in his room, trying to get out of bed. It’s hard nowadays to even see the point. When he gets out of bed, he plagues the Earth with the scum that is his body and the ghosts of his hurt and pain and- 

_You are an emo nightmare_. 

If Virgil weren’t so fucking sad he might laugh. But it isn’t really that funny, anyway. It’s horrible and awful and he thinks that he should be burned at the stake. 

And so obviously Patton knocks on the door at that moment, as he does when Virgil is completely unpresentable and at his worst. That man is so lucky that he’s kind, or else Virgil would have probably mauled him by now. 

“Virge? Are you awake? We have a question, kiddo.” 

He does his very best not to groan. “A minute, Patton.” 

“No problemo!” 

Virgil almost _does_ laugh this time. He feels more along the lines of “yes, problemo”, but he isn’t about to say that to Patton. He tears himself from his sheets. 

He almost looks in the mirror, but thinks about it again. He’s better off not seeing. Not knowing. 

The thoughts persist when he opens the door to see a crestfallen face and two more still behind him. God, he must look horrible for them to be staring at him like that. Roman makes eye contact. He must be staring at the dark circles. Logan looks sad, which he never really does and it makes Virgil’s chest twist dangerously with a gross amount of guilt. And there is Patton, who is looking forlornly at his face, then his stomach, and then behind him into his room. He’s sick of the staring. 

“I’m not an animal,” Virgil accuses bitterly. “You can stop looking at me like that.” 

“Oh, but- oh _Virgil_ , we’ve been missing you and you just- you need help.” Patton isn’t crying, but he looks goddamn close to it. Virgil doesn’t miss the way Logan’s hand twitches. 

Patton steps forward. Virgil flinches, steps back. 

“You look so _tired,_ kiddo…” 

Virgil wants to look anywhere but at Patton so his eyes drift to Roman’s and somehow it’s so much worse. Roman looks like he’s grieving. His eyes look like they’ve been carrying a burden. And Virgil knows that he’s the burden. 

He takes one more step back, and shuts the door on them.


	2. when your dad taps on his wristwatch...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> logan goes too far. roman is just trying to do the right thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on today's episode of "aiden projects on virgil"

He’s definitely a dick for shutting them out like that. Does he care? 

_Yes. Uh, no. Well, I guess we’ll see._ Guilt will fill him regardless. 

Roman hadn’t said anything to Virgil. Not that it means anything, of course. It’s just that, does he actually give a shit? He didn’t really expect Logan to say anything, but Roman never missed a chance to run his mouth. Weird. 

Virgil spends the rest of the night curled up underneath the covers, ignoring the hesitant footsteps he hears every hour. Someone is deciding whether or not to knock on his door again, he knows it. But he pretends he doesn’t and so around two am the steps cease and he finally, _finally_ shuts his goddamn eyes. 

And at four, someone is yelling. Virgil darts up and grabs his hoodie before he can even figure out what the fuck is going on. 

“-REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU CONCEDED FOR THE WEDDING, YOU DAMAGED HIS FEELINGS-” 

“I _KNOW_ THAT, NERD, YOU THINK IT DOESN’T BOTHER ME AS WELL? I’M NOT SAYING THAT I AM WITHOUT FAULT, BUT YOU’VE GOT TO UNDERSTAND-”

It’s Logan and Roman. Breathless, he shrugs on his sweater and tip-toes his way to the living room. 

He sees Patton in an armchair, head in his hands. He isn’t acknowledging the two men in the center of the room, tearing one another to shreds. 

Virgil keeps his presence unknown, small underneath his bangs and baggy nightclothes. He tries to understand Logan’s accusatory yelling. 

“-HOLED UP IN HIS ROOM FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THIS FUCKING WEEK. YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN THAT TAKING DECEIT’S SIDE WOULD EVOKE SOMETHING NEGATIVE. YOU DID NOT CARE. NOW, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A THICK-SKULLED MISCREANT, BUT THIS IS TOO FAR. YOU LET DECEIT STROKE YOUR EGO AND BY DOING THAT, YOU LET HIM WIN. YOU-” 

“Not another fucking _WORD_ , LOGAN! HOW _DARE_ YOU IMPLY THAT THIS WAS INTENTIONAL, HE IS MY FRIEND TOO. YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT VIRGIL, I CANNOT LET YOU TARNISH MY INTENT, ESPECIALLY-”  
  


“IT WAS ALREADY TARNISHED, ROMAN!” 

_Typical_. 

So, another thing is Virgil’s fault. He can’t even feel sad or mad about it. Just defeated. Lo is still screaming. 

“I EXPECT YOU WILL CONTINUE TO DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AFTER THIS DISCUSSION-” 

“YOU CALL THIS A DISCUSSION?” 

“-AND THAT IS PREDICTABLE CONSIDERING YOUR REPUTATION. STILL, YOU SHOULD RECOGNIZE THAT IF YOU CONTINUE THIS BEHAVIOR, PERHAPS YOU _SHOULD_ STAY WITH DECEIT!” 

For the first time since Virgil walked upon the scene, Roman falls completely silent. Logan seems to recognize his error. He looks shocked, and chokes out a sort of silent “oh”. 

Patton looks up finally. The bridge of his glasses is bent from the pressure of his palms on the now smudged lenses. No sign of any emotion on his face. _He must be so tired._

Logan tries again to get words out. “Roman, I- wow. I spoke out of anger,” he swallows tensely. “ I hope you know what I said i-isn’t true.” 

Roman actually looks like he’s about to cry. “It isn’t true.” 

“It isn’t,” Logan confirms.

“Okay.” Roman turns to leave the room. And of course, looks straight at Virgil. Oh well. He wasn’t really trying to be subtle anyhow. 

“Oh, fuck.” is all Roman says. Logan turns to whatever Roman is looking at, and flinches.

“Virgil-” 

“Don’t start, Sanders.” And Logan falls silent. 

So Patton speaks for him. Eerily devoid of his upbeat demeanor, he says “Guys, we’ve been here all night. Let’s sleep in today and we can talk later.” He speaks softly, but it somehow still sounds like a command. 

Funnily enough, Virgil notices, Patton makes no effort to leave his armchair. 

“Okay,” Roman says once again. Clearly, he is avoiding making eye contact with Virgil and continues to do so as he exits the room. 

Now it is just three of them. Virgil feels so god-fucking-awful and is about to apologize when Patton says, “You should go to bed, Virge.” 

“But-” 

“You are not at fault. I promise we can talk tomorrow. Eight hours from now, kiddo.” Patton taps on his wristwatch. “Please, go to sleep.” He looks so fucking depleated that Virgil now feels like he owes him, and smiles wearily at Patton. A cession. 

Logan takes a step towards the hallway and Patton yelps. 

“Stay, Logan. I need to talk to you. Goodnight, Virge.” 

“Okay, but-” 

“Roman will be here tomorrow, you can talk to him then.” And he swears that Patton can see right through him. 

Taking one last look at Logan’s uncharacteristically apprehensive stance (afraid of Patton, which is secretly really fucking funny), Virgil walks to his room. 

He tries to sleep, he does! But there is something about the aggression of Logan’s argument, something about Roman pleading his defense in the middle of the living room that is so haunting to him. Maybe they’ve fought before, but this was of a different caliber. Logan was out of line for sure but he was just defending Virgil, right? And Roman… seemed genuine. 

_I think he really does care about me. Maybe?_ How come he can’t ever make up his damn mind… 

**

The next afternoon, when Virgil finally finds the strength to deal with the damage, is strange to say the least. Compared to the last time he was out here, it is so quiet and it feels like a trap. As he walks to the kitchen he observes Patton’s typically wide-open door. It is closed tight. In fact, everyone’s door is shut. 

_Figures. At least they’re resting._

He makes it to the kitchen, and to his surprise Logan is sitting there. It’s weird for sure, but Virgil doesn’t want it to be. 

“Hey.” _Fucking eloquent._

“Hello. I’m sorry for waking you last night.” 

The mild apology is surprising. He should appreciate it. And yet, he _is_ a little angry at the man. 

“Whatever,” he says lowly. Involuntarily. “I’m not who you should be apologizing to.” Logan gives the smallest, most subtle nod Virgil has ever seen in his life. 

“You are correct. I just…” 

“Just _what_?” 

“I _felt_ awful- oh, listen to me, I _felt_ \- it was awful to know you were in your room, solitary and most likely ruminating on negative comments.” He breathes deeply, and somewhere in the back of Virgil’s mind it registers that he is acting like Virgil does when he’s… struggling. “I have been there before, strangely enough, and I know that it is less than pleasant. It made me sympathetic. I only wanted someone to blame.” 

Virgil is processing this as he continues. “It has been a rough journey since the courtroom. I am aware of your history with the so-called ‘Dark Sides’. I know how they make you feel.” He pauses. 

“I am also aware of how you think about Roman.” 

_What the fuck. What the fuck what the FUCK_

“What the fuck?” 

“Virge…” The annoying parental way that Logan looks at him, peering over the rims of his glasses, makes Virgil’s argument slip away. He decides to neither confirm nor deny and just to let the man speak. It isn’t often that Logan vents like this, anyway. 

He breathes deeply again. “I know that you have been hiding yourself away… from Roman. You must be contemplating what his initial agreement with Deceit means in terms of your own relationship with him. Am I correct?” 

“Yeah.” Virgil says, shocked. So much for neither confirming nor denying.

“Patton was extremely worried. In turn, it made me worried as well. It was eating at us, and when we saw you yesterday it was a figurative breaking point for us. We do not want you to be unhealthy as a result of mere speculation. I lashed out at Roman, but I have taken the time to consider his argument and I realize that he would not intentionally do anything to damage the relationship you two have formed.” 

Virgil laughed bitterly. “Relationship? The guy hates me. It’s pretty one-sided.” 

Logan did not laugh. “You may think so, but perhaps it is more clear from an outside perspective. That is, to Patton and I. I believe he means well, and I intend to apologize to him. But first…” 

He waits for Logan to continue. “…Yes?”

His friend looks a little sheepish. “Perhaps… perhaps you should speak to Roman first. It may be selfish of me to ask, but I think that foremost it would help him to speak to you and secondly, it would make my apology a little easier to understand.” 

“What do you want me to say to him?” 

“Just mention that I am apologetic, and regretful of what I said.” 

Virgil narrowed his eyes a little. “That’s all?” 

“You could also tell him how you feel.” 

“Goodbye, Lo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter soon. :D  
> ONCE AGAIN give me your constructive criticism. give me your feedback! OR, give me your positive reviews please just talk to me hngngng  
> i did not proofread this so lmk abt any grammatical errors or typos!  
> seriously, comment. 200 people read the first chapter and one person commented. i wanna hear from yallllll  
> i am, as they say, "depressed".

**Author's Note:**

> based on a prompt i got from https://prompts.neocities.org  
> PLEASE DRAG ME FOR ANY ERRORS  
> comment any feedback! or any love! or if you just wanna chat, catch me on instagram @artbyaidenn. dunno if you can tell but i am very lonely.  
> second chapter coming soon! love you all!


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